eHarmony

What’s New in Relationship Research: Stressed Out? High Cholesterol? Try Kissing!November 20, 2009

Stressful situations can often increase cortisol – a hormone that is generally produced during times of stress and anxiety.  Chronic stress can also activate sympathetic nervous system reactions – the system that gets activated and causes the fight or flight response – which can lead to increases in blood pressure and higher cholesterol levels. To this end, researchers have been interested in whether interpersonal behaviors, such as kissing, may have benefits to help alleviate problems of stress that many of us face.

Fifty-two participants who were married or living with their partners took part in a recent study about kissing (Floyd, et al., 2009).  Half of the participants were randomly assigned to the experimental group in which they were instructed to “kiss each other more often and for longer periods of time than you typically do right now.”  The other half were not given any special instructions.

After six weeks, the results showed that those who kissed their partners more had lower stress, a decrease in cholesterol, and higher relationship satisfaction.  Researchers explained that exchanging affectionate communication with your partner can help produce calm and reassuring feelings resulting in decreased stress.  Combined with other research, this literature shows that touch and physical affection in general can help decrease responses to stressful situations (e.g., Coan, Schaefer, & Davidson, 2006).  So the next time you are feeling stressed out, try kissing your partner…it may help to improve your health as well as your relationship.

Further Reading:
Coan, J., Schaefer, H., & Davidson, R. (2006) Lending a Hand: Social Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat. Psychological Science, 17(12), 1032-1039. DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2006.01832.x

Floyd, K., Boren, J., Hannawa, A., Hesse, C., McEwan, B., & Veksler, A. (2009) Kissing in Marital and Cohabiting Relationships: Effects on Blood Lipids, Stress, and Relationship Satisfaction. Western Journal of Communication, 73(2), 113-133. DOI: 10.1080/10570310902856071

We Met During Free Communication Weekend: Melanie and Nue’s StoryNovember 20, 2009

Thanksgiving is a special time for eHarmony success couple Melanie and Nue—it’s when they first introduced each other to their families and knew they had something special. They were matched during a free communication weekend in September 2006 and were married in June 2008.

Now through Sunday, November 22, it’s eHarmony’s Free Communication Weekend, so it’s your chance to connect and communicate with your matches for free and experience the difference of eHarmony. Once you complete our Relationship Questionnaire, we’ll look for your matches based on 29 Dimensions® of Compatibility — like humor, intellect and character.

Who knows—you may end up like Melanie and Nue and can add one more thing to your list of things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Here’s their story, in Melanie’s own words.

Nue and I met on a 3 day free trial weekend in September of ‘06.  He was the very first person I talked to and we made it to open communication very quickly that weekend.  We decided to meet for drinks on a Monday night.  This was supposed to last only a few hours; we talked for over 5 hours!  It was great; we hit it off.  Shortly after we had gone out a few times, he told me that he was moving for his job to Michigan.  I decided not to tell anyone about us dating because I figured it would not go anywhere since he was moving.

We continued to see each other and one night I asked him if he wanted to go to Thanksgiving with me.  I was sure he would say no, and I wasn’t sure I really wanted him to meet my family anyway, but he said yes and then invited me to his family’s Thanksgiving celebration.  After a few days, I actually uninvited him to mine because, I figured, since he was moving, why have him meet my entire family?  Well, he seemed like he felt bad so I once again invited him.

We first went to one of his family’s Thanksgivings and I met his parents, brothers, aunts, uncles and nieces.  It was so wonderful, and they made me feel so welcome.  I also got to try a lot of traditional Lao food, which was very good!

Next we went to my family’s Thanksgiving.  As we walked in and I introduced him, I said, “This is Nue, we are not going to be dating, we’re not getting married, so don’t ask me where he is at Christmas because he is moving.”  In my family, when you bring someone around, it’s pretty serious, so I just had to let them know this was absolutely not going anywhere. Nue said, “What, we’re not getting married…why didn’t you tell me!”  My Aunt Nancy about fell off her chair laughing.  We took a goofy picture that day, pretending we were getting our senior pictures taken out by a tree.  Everyone just loved Nue, which was a blessing, but also a bummer because we were not going to be together.

After all of our Thanksgivings, we realized we actually really liked each other and him leaving was going to be little harder than we thought.  Meeting each other’s families and really liking each of them brought our dating to a new level.  We then decided since I had two weeks off for Christmas break, I would fly out to visit him.  I spent the whole two weeks with him in Michigan and that pretty much sealed the deal.  We could not break up!  I moved out to Michigan that June.  I didn’t get to live there too long, as the job market was terrible.  I moved back to Minnesota at the end of September and the Thanksgiving of ‘07 I was driving back in a moving truck with Nue so he could be in Minnesota with me.

Shortly after that, we were engaged in February and married in June.  My Aunt Nancy, who laughed the day I said I was not marrying him, reminded me of that Thanksgiving and said she knew that he was the one that day!  I will always hold the holiday of Thanksgiving in my heart, as we have had so many wonderful memories of that holiday!

Celebrate Love on eHarmony’s New Facebook Fan PageNovember 19, 2009

You’ve heard us say that 236 people get married every day to their eHarmony match.* That sounds like an incredible number, but have you ever stopped to think about what that actually looks like? To get a glimpse, check out eHarmony’s new Facebook fan page, a community especially for celebrating love and all that goes along with it. It’s the destination for eHarmony success couples to connect, share, and give tips to others on the same journey.

The page is bursting with inspiring stories and photos from actual eHarmony couples. As of today, we have over 3,100 fans who have posted more than 590 photos, and more are added almost every few minutes!

We just launched a new, customized tab on our page that:
•    Showcases user-uploaded photos, comments and videos
•    Highlights some of our couples more in-depth, sharing their photos, blogs, Websites and other fun “artifacts” from  their relationships

If you’re an eHarmony Success Couple, an eHarmony member, you know someone who met their significant other on eHarmony, or you just want to be part of a community that’s all about lasting love, we encourage you to become a fan—visit www.facebook.com/eharmony. Hope to see you there!

*2007 survey conducted for eHarmony by Harris Interactive®

The Art of Match SettingsNovember 17, 2009

More often than not, when customers call in who have not received many matches, or are getting more matches than they can handle, we are able to help them almost instantly by pointing them in the direction of their Match Settings.  Match Settings are a big factor in expanding or decreasing the amount of matches you get.  And our members who learn the art of Match Settings can often sculpt their matching pool into a shape and size that works for them.

Distance
Out of all the match settings, distance settings are probably the easiest to expand or decrease in order to get the optimum number of matches.  Did you know, for example, that expanding one’s matching distance from 30 to 60 miles away can more than double the potential matching pool, and that it does not mean you’ll get less matches who live closer to home?  It’s fun and easy to test one’s comfort level, and to see whether maybe a match who lives 32 miles away might be a potential soul mate.  As a Customer Care agent, I’ve seen many success stories made by people who have tested the waters here, and it’s easy enough to change settings back and forth whenever you like from the Distance tab of your Match Settings.

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eHarmony’s Dr. Gian Gonzaga Featured on Leeza Gibbons’ Hollywood Confidential Radio ShowNovember 16, 2009

Leeza Gibbons recently interviewed Dr. Gian Gonzaga, eHarmony’s Senior Director of Research and Development, for her radio show, Hollywood Confidential.  In a series of five segments, Gian and Leeza discuss finding the key to long-term relationship success.

Click here to watch a video of Leeza and Gian’s interview from this past weekend. Hear how eHarmony conducted scientific research on married couples to match singles based on dimensions of compatibility such as personality traits, values, and beliefs.  Do opposites attract?  Or is having similar outlooks on life more important to sustaining a long-term relationship?  Is there such a thing as love at first sight?

Tune in to Hollywood Confidential November 21 and 22, 2009 for the conclusion of Leeza’s interview with Dr.  Gonzaga. To find out where you can hear Hollywood Confidential in your area, go to www. leezagibbons.com.

Popular eHarmony Advice Article: What are Your ‘Green Flags’?November 10, 2009

Often, we look for red flags in relationships as excuses to bolt. While discerning serious red flags is important, only concentrating on minor red flags (which I like to call “pink” flags) can sink a relationship before it even starts. Recently, eHarmony Advice asked the community to name their green flags—the important things they’re looking for in a partner.

Several eHarmony Advice members posted their thoughts, and their green flags ranged from thoughtfulness and honesty to compatibility and humor. Click here to read more of their comments.

The notion of green flags fits with one of eHarmony’s steps of Guided Communication, in which you’re encouraged to develop your own list of “Must Haves” and “Can’t Stands” and share them with your matches. Composing this list is a great way for you to focus on exactly what you want in a relationship—and what you don’t.

Even if you’re not on eHarmony, it can be a fun and educational process to develop your list of Must Haves. When you’ve put some thought into what’s important to you, you’ll be attuned to those attributes in potential partners that could lead to a “green” relationship—growing, healthy, and thriving.

Are the Best Wingmen Actually Women?November 5, 2009

The pursuit of love may be more a cooperative team sport than a one-on-one pick-up game.  New research published in this month’s Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin reveals that both sexes cooperate to achieve romantic goals—either to create barriers that potential suitors have to overcome, or by teaming up to circumvent (or downright break down) such barriers.  Additionally, an individual’s relationship status may influence the type and intensity of help s/he gives.

Does this seem familiar?  If, dear reader, you are a female, have you ever gone to a social scene with a few of your girlfriends and found an unsuitable guy trying to pick you up the moment your friend goes to restroom?  When she returns, does his friend suddenly appear to chat-up your friend and prevent your getaway?  If you are a guy, have you and your friends ever employed such a tactic?  It’s not just flirting, but a time-tested mating strategy.

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In Their Own Words: Kristen and JamieOctober 30, 2009

Here’s a special Halloween edition of our “In Their Own Words” blog by one of our success couples, Kristen and Jamie. Halloween is one of their favorite holidays for a few reasons—tomorrow is not only the anniversary of when Jamie first told Kristen he loved her, but it’s also the day they’re getting married! Thanks, Kristen and Jamie, for sharing your story with us. We’re so excited for you and wish you the best!

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Jamie and I made it to open communication and met face to face in March 2008.  We live five hours away from each other, so we took turns traveling to see each other and would sometimes meet in a new place for a weekend getaway.  Last October he asked me to meet him in New Orleans for a concert on Halloween where we could dress up.  He was a skeleton and I was a zombie fairy!  We had a blast; we are kids at heart and love Halloween and the fall season.  Earlier that day Jamie told me for the first time that he loved me!  He always wants to make special moments truly memorable, and it was!

While we were putting the final touches on our Halloween make-up I made the comment, “Next year we are going as something sweet and not scary.  I want to be a princess and you are going to be Prince Charming.”

Jamie took me to Hawaii in June.  In keeping with his way of making special memories, he sat me on a park bench in front of a sunset melting into the ocean and asked me to marry him.  It was the most romantic moment of my life!

We thought we would wait until next April or October to marry.  We couldn’t wait!  He called one night and asked if I would marry him this November.  I was thinking earlier that day if October of this year was too soon to plan a wedding.  We called the venue we were interested in; the last Saturday in October was the only one open in all of October and November!  It is one of our favorite days of the year, the one year anniversary of when he said he loved me, and we will indeed get to be a prince and princess.

We have a beautiful outdoor, Southern fall wedding planned.  We asked the florist to decorate the aisle with gourds, potted mums and leaves in fall colors.  For the reception, we asked her to carve pumpkins with things like our monogram, an engagement ring, the wedding date.  She will place battery powered candles in them with fall flowers coming out of the tops.  When I asked Jamie’s five year old niece to be my flower girl, I have to admit I felt guilty for taking away her trick-or-treat time.  So, she will be the only one “in costume” wearing her beautiful flower girl dress and fairy wings I adorned with a flower and ribbons.

We didn’t want to do a theme wedding, but at the end of the evening we will have small candy bags and masquerade masks for our guests to grab as favors.  Along with our planner, Jamie has been involved in almost every aspect of the planning process.  He is my “modern groom”!  I thank God first and foremost for placing Jamie in my life, but I thank eHarmony for giving us the way to meet.

Tricks for Healthy Treats this Halloween from JustMommiesOctober 28, 2009

It is easy to throw the diet out the window as early as Halloween! JustMommies has come up with some ways to manage your sweet tooth this October 31.

Tip #1: Buy Halloween candy one day before the festivities – that way the sweet temptation is only around for the shortest amount of time possible.

Tip #2: Buy treats you don’t particularly like!

Tip #3: Take your kids out after you finish dinner and are pretty full.

Tip #4: Opt to give out non-edible, fun treats like spider rings, wax vampire teeth or sidewalk chalk.

Get more creepy tips right here at JustMommies.com. Have a safe and sweet Halloween!

2010 Bridal Fashion Invades Project Wedding and Weddingbee!October 26, 2009

The teams from Project Wedding and Weddingbee just returned from a week in exhilarating (and chilly!) New York City, where wedding designers previewed their spring 2010 lines. It was a whirlwind of wedding dresses, taxi rides, runway shows and a wonderful time!

Along the way, we posted photo updates from the shows on Project Wedding’s One Lovely Day blog and over on Weddingbee. Highlights from the trip? The Romona Keveza show, which included a retrospective of dresses she has created over the past decade. Keveza told me she is thinking about designing a line of wedding renewal dresses next!

Other standouts: the winter wonderland Monique Lhuillier show, Kirstie Kelly for Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings show (featuring the most adorable flower girls ever!) and visiting with Adele Wechsler, who is creating eco-friendly wedding gowns that are absolutely stunning. Now you can have a green wedding – right down to an organic hemp and flaxseed dress!